Wedding speeches
by Andy Jackson, Partner, bride2b

Colossians says "Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt." So wedding speeches in biblical times were just the same as now - gracious and light hearted but with enough to savour (and that's the extent of my theological interpreting skills!)

Whether you're the father of the bride, the bridegroom, the bride (which is getting more popular nowadays) or the best man, the speech which you have to make is a performance - you are standing up in front of assembled friends and family to say a few words, and for many this can be a daunting task. So as someone who has been a best man and a bridegroom, here are a few tips.

Receptions are better remembered when all three speeches are good and delivered well and the content is good. So if you're organising the wedding, don't be afraid to ask those who are making speeches about their preparations. Tactfully ask if the speech has been rehearsed and note cards have been prepared (even the most confident public speakers do this - just in case).

If possible, try and co-ordinate the three to avoid repetition - the father of the bride might recall a story which the bridegroom intended to do, and the best man might want to tell a story which the bridegroom does. You don't want to go too far and spoil any surprises that the best man might have but to avoid last minute adjustments while listening to the other speeches, a bit of forward preparation wouldn't go amiss.

Practice, practice, practice! After finishing your basic notes, deliver the speech to yourself, in front of a mirror, to someone who can doesn't mind hearing it a couple of times who can tell you what you're doing right and wrong, or even in front of a camcorder! Tape yourself practicing the speech and then make any adjustments after you've seen yourself. This is a great way to iron out any habits you might have that you're unaware of, like scratching your nose or stroking your chin (two things I often do when making a speech) or worse! When practicing, imagine the assembled guests are there, so that when the day comes, you've got some sense of addressing a crowd.

Visit the room where the speeches will be made so that you're familiar with it.

Be prepared for hecklers - don't have any put downs ready, like stand-up comedians, because a wedding is not that sort of event and you don't want to offend any guests, but let the heckles come and smile, even though they've not been planned.

Remember to project your voice and annunciate your words - speak a bit more slowly than you would do normally, especially if you have a broad accent and you've got guests from other parts of the country, make sure each word in pronounced correctly, and make sure you're loud enough to be heard by all in the room, especially guests who might be hard of hearing.

Remember the official duties of each speech maker - the father of the bride makes a toast to the bride and groom, the bridegroom toasts the bridesmaids, and the best man thanks the bridegroom for his kind words on behalf of the bridesmaids. A toast to absent friends, by the bridegroom or father of the bride, is also appreciated, especially if any relatives have passed away. It might not mean a lot to you, but it will for members of your family.

If you're using a toastmaster, make sure the speech makers know that they'll be introduced, and also what else to expect from the toastmaster - don't steal his fire, especially as you've paid for his services.

Make sure the greetings cards, which are normally read out by the best man or, if there are a lot of them, the best man and the bridegroom as a double act, are prepared during the meal so that the delivery of the best wishes messages seem as seamless as the delivery of the speeches. The best man can also slip in a few spoof ones like "The manager of the honeymoon hotel rang up to say he was putting something special on for your arrival - the roof!" As many of the cards express the same sentiment, say a general statement about how all of the people who've given cards wish the couple well for their future with much love and best wishes, or something like that, and then go through the cards reading only the names of who they're from. Don't miss any out - that will cause offence to guests. Do read out any funny personal messages in the cards, but not the printed verses - everyone knows what they're like and they're usually rubbish, in my humble opinion.

If you're really stuck with writing a speech, get help. A speechwriter should ask a few questions and then tailor make a speech for you. Alternatively, there are many books which do a similar thing, we have already selected a number of titles for you in our affiliates section. Remember, one of the main duties of a best man, groom or father of the bride at the reception is the speech. Don't let your friends and family down, prepare, rehearse and deliver a great speech.